So it’s not a secret that I’m no Proverbs 31 wife. If you’re not familiar with this woman, you can find her here, starting at verse 10. Heck, I’m barely the kind of woman that could stand in the streets and judge the Proverbs 31 woman, because I’d be too embarrassed should her gaze happen to land on my face.
So I don’t know what I expected when I decided to read this book. It’s a departure for me. while I’m a Catholic woman, I don’t often read such overtly Christian books. Mostly because I feel like these kinds of women are telling me there is no way that I can live up to what’s expected of me, no matter the subject matter. So, again, I don’t know why I chose this book. I think because I really desire to be an excellent wife and mother, to be the kind of homemaker that everyone would be jealous of. That can do it all, as it were.
My So Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife by Sara Horn was not what I was expecting. I’m not going to review this book, because there are plenty of people who write reviews, and could probably tell you very well what this book was about, and how it was. I want to tell you about why I’m writing about it, today, which is because it made me think.
Just to give you a quick idea about what the book is about though: Sara Horn, the author, is at church when her pastor starts talking about the Proverbs 31 Wife, and making a laundry list of what an Excellent wife is. A modern woman, this of course bothers Ms. Horn. Why is it that women have this long laundry list of things they are expected to be when men have only a vague idea of what they should be, at least listed in the Bible so formally. And how could one be expected to live up to this woman anyway? Is it even possible? It’s in search of this answer that begins Ms. Horn on an experiment to live up to the expectations of the Proverbs 31 wife.
I’m not sure if she managed this. I’m not sure that she even really committed to this. I do however know that I completely related to her. I know that when I’ve attempted something similar, I’ve been all over the place with it, not being able to focus on what I need to focus on. But this book wasn’t about detailing her experiment. At least, I don’t think so. I saw this more as a journey of a woman who has had a habit of putting herself first (Even if it was way back in her mind) learning how to put her family first. And she did succeed in that. Not in the way that a lot of people would expect, but I could see how she put her family first.
It made me think very hard about some things. I’ve always been just like Ms. Horn, putting myself first, even if it was in the back of my mind. To tell the truth, I’ve done my life backwards. I spent my youth putting others first, usually my friends. Of course, that led to a backlash later on in life, so in the time that I should have been putting others first (namely my family) I’ve been struggling to understand why I can’t be first. Why life can’t be all about what I want and need. And I understand why that is, although I don’t need to get into it here.
But it’s all wrong. My family needs to come first. It’s why I decided to pull my girls out of daycare, and stay home again (not to mention the prohibitive cost of daycare). I don’t often say things like this, at least not in public, but I think God is trying to tell me that I need really need to put my family first and serve my family. Like I said, I’m a Catholic woman, which means I do believe in the value of service. But I’ve always been about serving others, whether it was through volunteering or just being there for others outside of my family. But I’m coming to understand that serving others does not begin outside the home. It begins right here, in my own home, within my own four walls. It begins with serving my husband and my children the way they deserve to be served. It’s something that I want my children to learn. Service begins within the home, and it begins with taking care of my family. God has called me to a vocation, and that is the vocation of being a mother and a wife. And to really do it right.
I think if I focus on this, I’ll meet my homemaking goals, and also improve the relationships I have with my husband and children.
And wow, what a vocation to have!
Good luck on your endeavors. You are already a mom to envy in my eyes! I am not familiar with what a Proverbs 31 Wife is, but I do think that it is hard to fit that “old-fashioned” mother and wife mold in the modern world. I am sure some people think I am old-fashioned, I know some feminists would argue and sneer at me if I told them I am a SAHM, but the truth is I CHOOSE to be this way. I am not forced to do this, I could work if I wanted. But I don’t. Yes, there are things I need to improve, but I feel like I am doing the best I can and I know I will get there someday.
Again, good luck with everything you are doing. But just remember…you are a GREAT mom and no one is perfect ever.
Oh, did the link not work? I had a link on there that went to the portion that is the section of Proverbs 31 that explains what an “excellent” wife is. . . She departs from the traditional 50s wife in that she manages to do it all. She takes care of her home, she takes care of her kids, she finds ways to bring in income, just all of it. Apparently all while her husband is hanging around chatting with the guys at the city gates. He does a lot of that, lol!
And thank you for the compliment. Actually, I think our generation is really embracing that traditional role because we’re finding out that working AND taking care of the kids is really hard. Some people can do it (and need to) to get that adult time, and some alone time. . . But for me, as much as I loved it, it was just adding stress, everywhere.
Wow, while I love my job as a SAHM and am able to do quite a lot for my family, I dont even compare to the Proverbs 31 wife. I love taking care of my children as they need me, As a wife I enjoy and will take care of my husband as long as he respects & appreciates me and takes care of our family as well. However, one wrong word and I have no problem throwing his clothes onto the front lawn and telling him to wash them himself.
I suppose that’s the feminist in me.
Actually I was reading something this morning on a Catholic forum that was talking about what these various folks saw when they read that piece of scripture, and an overwhelming amount pointed out that it had nothing to do with being submissive, etc. they took it to mean that this woman did what she needed to do for her family, and never complained about it etc. . . And I think that’s what I want to work on. . . Again, I want to focus primarily on my family, and I think that’s all that piece of scripture asks us women to do. . . Because we’re natural multi-taskers, and men just can’t do this the way we can.